How Herpes Can Do Good

Usually I consider myself a fairly heartless and calloused person, but every now and then something happens and I find myself unpleasantly surprised by my feelings of goodwill towards other humans or my clearly human side.

The back story.

Late Tuesday I had a strange feeling over my ribs where the serratus anterior muscle originates on the ribs. It felt a bit like a muscle strain, which didn't surprise me since I've changed my fitness goals and methods (more to come on this in a future entry). Wednesday night I noticed a few "bumps" over the 5th and 6th ribs on the mid axillary line. Over Thursday the bumps and pain evolved and it became clear late in the evening, near the end of my shift in the ED, I had fucking shingles, aka Herpes Zoster which is a reactivation of infection with the Varicella zoster virus--the little ass hole that used to cause chicken pox for those of us that pre-date the vaccination.

It is exceedingly painful. Burns. Itches. Hurts to touch. Hurts to move. Hurts to breath. It's awesome. Its not going to kill, just be a pain in the ass. But the physical pain isn't the reason it's a total (figurative) pain in my ass. See, Thursday was the last day of the month. That means Friday I'm supposed to leave the ED and start working in the SICU. This is a problem.

Why? Because while zoster is an inconvenience for me, it could be lethal to someone with a compromised immune system--you know, like critically ill trauma patients in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit. The place I'm supposed to be working.

I had my attending in the ED contact the attending physician in the SICU who confirmed what we all knew, that I had no business being in the SICU. I contacted my chief resident who told me not to worry, and that we'd get it sorted out in the morning by shuffling me to another service.

I felt terrible for a couple reasons. One, I was going to fuck one of my fellow EM residents by ambushing them with a "surprise, you're not going to have an easy month you're going to the SICU." Two, I was going to fuck the SICU team. They have patients that need to be rounded on and expected me to be there to help with that duty.

So the lesson I learned from Herpes? I am some how "bonded" with people in the similar dire situation as myself (other residents). When I let them down, or make their lives more miserable, I feel bad about it. I imagine its a lot like being in the military. Many of those guys do their job as well as they do not because the money is so good (joke) but because they feel a sense of commitment to their fellow soldiers. I regularly hear extraordinary stories of bravery and heroism from guys in Iraq and the Afghanistan. While I certainly didn't do anything that compares to what they do, I think I better understand why they do it.

The "pack" instinct is tough to choke out, I guess.

Human nature always surprises me. Usually I'm surprised by how shitty humans can be to each other. But every now and then, I see something good in people. Additionally, its odd, to me, to see how life teaches its lessons to people. It has so many tools to use, and it often seems to pick the worst one. It has literally a lifetime to teach its lessons, but always seems to pick the most inopportune times. But I guess thats just the way we learn.